1 year better

I made it! Saturday, May 10 was my official 1-year anniversary for being a Peace Corps Volunteer serving in Kakoro, Uganda. I arrived in country March 5^th, 2007 as a trainee (PCT) and was sworn in as a PCV in May. I decided that to commemorate my full year as a PCV, I would reflect a little about what I’ve learned, how I’ve changed, and how I now see the status, problems, and solutions in my small part of Africa.

Overall, this has been the best year of my life. I have grown more as a person than even the idealistic stereotype of “going to Africa to find myself” could ever imagine. I’d say about 75% of the change has been for the better. Though I’m more confident, assertive, and creative than I was before, I am also more detached and unsympathetic than I was in America. What created these changes was being thrown into the village with thoughts of either saving/helping/teaching everyone, or doing absolutely nothing. What has manifested itself is a feeling of being able to do a lot of things, but not without limits, difficulties, and anger inducing situations. I realize the obvious that I can’t save everyone, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a flood of emotions related that manifest itself in a negative manner. Every time someone blatantly asks you for something for nothing or is unappreciative of your work and the difficulties involved in everyday tasks of just living in a foreign environment as an outsider, it wears you down just a little bit. You start to get a little bitter and sometimes turn the tables around a little. Less “oh, poor African living in poverty”, to “stop complaining and relying on the West, go to school, and demand more of your government.” “Stop accepting that things are bad and do what you can to make it better.” Every time someone says “you assist me” or “bring me to America” I think: stop trying to run from your country and stay and fight for change! Then, just when you’re almost super bitter and ready to say, “to hell with you Africa, deal with your own problems”, some amazing, positive things happen that make you want to fight even harder to help people out. For every person that is greedy, selfish, and rude, there are 10 that are completely selfless and wonderful people who care about the well being of others. For every “Muzungu, you give me my money”, there are 5 people who supporting 6 orphans and 3 widows with no money and never ask you for a shilling (specifically 2 woman I know). For every corrupt community based group that’s stealing money from their beneficiaries, there is one that is making change happen with literally NO resources except for what they create internally. For every person who has 3 wives and 25 children, there are 100 waiting for marriage and making smart reproductive decisions. For every person wanting something from me, there are thousands willing open their homes and feed me just because I’m a visitor and they are good people. There is a lot of hope for things to get better and when there is change it looks and feels really good. When you see people who have nothing then get something whether it’s a mosquito net or a goat or even the knowledge of how to do a new skill, you realize what you role is here and how you can help.

They say that the Peace Corps is full of the highest highs and the lowest lows. It forces you to deal with things you never imagined you’d have to and opens you to the possibility of accomplishment that defies odd and expectations. I just got a call yesterday from my mother saying that the Against Malaria Foundation had 4,700 more mosquito nets for us in Kampala so that we can complete our distribution in Kakoro Sub County. I literally danced around my house with a huge grin on my face like I was in some cheesy romantic comedy with Hugh Grant. The flip side is the days that are just plain bad. When you don’t get enough sleep and then there proceeds to be a series of small things that add up to a really crappy day. Sometimes they are personal like unwanted attention coupled with unreliable transport, stagnant work only to come home to no power and water and remembering that in your funk, you forgot to buy food and there’s not exactly a Safeway nearby. Then there are the days when the conditions around you really affect you. When you see people’s primary food and income source destroyed by hailstones in one hour. When a small kid in tattered clothes asks you for 100 shillings and you say no because you can’t give people the impression that you’re just a money source and should be self-reliant but then you feel like crap because you totally can afford to give out what’s equivalent to a nickel, the kid could obviously benefit, and you can always say no to others. There is this guilt that I think lingers the entire time that we’re here. When we sit in our houses that are extravagant for village standards and watch movies on our laptops, it’s hard not to feel bad when literally next door people are really suffering. I can’t save or help everyone and that bothers the daylights out of me. It’s really hard to help one kid or one family, because there are too many and I don’t have the money or skills to do it properly. What I try to do to counteract that is to help as many community based organizations that I can so that they can help their beneficiaries on a long-term basis. There are a few individuals that you connect with and they end up benefiting from knowing you, and then you’re like “why does this person deserve more just cause he’s nice to me,” then it’s “well, is that why everyone is nice to me? Just to get something from me??”

You may be reading this trying to make conclusions to tell people that “Wes is having a hard time” or “Wes just likes to complain a lot” or “Wes is having an easy time” or “Wes loves it there”. You’d all be right but the lesson is that my biggest fear is that people will make assumptions about everything that has to do with me being here based on a couple of lines in my blog or some phone conversations or rumor. Whether it be me, my village, or Uganda and it’s people, it’s impossible and slightly irresponsible to sum it up with one phrase. My parents put it best when they got here. They said that they had talked to me a lot on the phone, seen pictures I took, heard my stories, and did research on the country, but until they actually saw and lived it, they have no idea what it was like. I see short term volunteers in country all the time and I think “sorry dude, no way you’re going to get the whole experience in 2 months.”

“So Wes, how’s Africa?”

“It’s everything.”

As far as work goes, I’ve been really luckily. The situation I’m in is perfect for me and allows me the structure and flexibility I need to be productive. I have a great supervisor, a young and energetic organization, and a lot of support from both the community here and people back home. Other volunteers have it hard because their organizations don’t fit with them or don’t have the kind of work they want to do. I’ve been happy with all the work I’ve done and there’s plenty more to do. Though there’s plenty of time to relax and read a book or watch a movie, there’s always work to do and for that I’m happy.

I’m now comfortable moving around the country and my awkwardness level is at record lows. You get over the fact that you don’t always understand what’s going on and just have fun with it. I’m always cracking jokes and have found a style of humor that crosses cultures. People have described me as “a jolly man” and I take a lot of pride in that. For the times that I vent and flip out, there’s the 90% of the time that people see me smiling or joking or at least playfully challenging someone for being “stubborn” or “lying me.” I’ve mentioned before that I take great pleasure in the ridiculous such as novelty items sold at markets. I brag about my hologram belt that has Michael Jordan and Tupac’s picture on it. I have a goofy shirt that says “CAUTION! Heartthrob.” I rely on fun things and other volunteers for sanity and support. I have a great corps of friends near by that I get along with famously. My comedy skills are at epic proportions (as well as my ego!) and I might go on a stand-up tour when I get back.

So to sum up, like I didn’t want you to do: I’m doing great and having a good time. HOWEVER, there are many many challenges and I’m forced to make tough moral and strategic decisions on a daily basis. 1 year in, this has truly been an “opportunity of a lifetime” that I wouldn’t trade for anything. The days when I say “man, I love it in Africa” far outweigh the days when I don’t. Take care and stay tuned to my close of service thoughts and feelings. -end of heartfelt comments-